Strange Desire & A Stranger Desired by Bleachers // 10 Year Anniversary Album Review
Strange Desire is the 2014 debut album from Bleachers, which at that time was meant to be a solo side project for New Jersey's finest soon-to-be pop producer pioneer, Jack Antonoff. A decade later, it's hard to imagine Bleachers ever being initially a side project for him because it has grown into so much more since then. Strange Desire came at a time where Jack was feeling the most misunderstood and searching for a way out of the shadow he felt trapped in at the time.
At this point in 2014, Jack had garnered wide acclaim as the guitarist in the Grammy Award winning band Fun., garnering massive hits with the title track from their sophomore album Some Nights, as well as the number one single "We Are Young" featuring Janelle Monae. Both of those songs were inescapable for much of the early 2010s. While touring with Fun., Jack began working on his new solo project anywhere he could, on tour buses, planes and in hotel rooms around the world. "I spent the past year working on the music but not talking about it and eventually it became this psychotic alter-ego situation, where it was second nature to have this part of me that no one knew about," Jack said of the creation of Strange Desire in an interview with MTV in 2014. "Except for a small group of people, most of which happened to be members of my immediate family, no one was aware that this music, or this album, even existed … even though it existed so deeply to me." He created the album largely by himself and overall in the "exact opposite" way Some Nights was made.
He kept this project a secret until his first single, "I Wanna Get Better" was released in early 2014. In the decade to follow, that song has really taken on a life of its own, and to this day still best represents the thesis of what Bleachers music is at its core. It will always be one of my personal favorites from the band and one that shares a universal message that I think many can relate to in their own ways. For Jack, it came from a very vulnerable place for him, truly telling his entire life story up to that point. "It had to be perfect because I was condensing all of me into one song," he told MTV in 2014. Key events in Jack's life inspired "I Wanna Get Better", as well as much of Bleachers' music that was to follow. Bleachers as a concept began because the songs he was writing at the time were far too personal to be for anyone other than himself to perform. "There was 9/11, my sister died of brain cancer in 2002 at age 13 and my cousin died in the Iraq War in 2003. So a lot happened in a short span of time. It was an end to an age of innocence. I had PTSD and rarely left the house, and I disassociated from everyone for a long time," Jack said in an interview with USA Today in 2014. "This album is about that and finding a way to move on, without leaving it behind."
Jack has always had a way of hiding some of this heaviness behind bold synth pop instrumentals, but if you listen closely his entire life's story is within these songs. To this day, Strange Desire is still among the best work Jack has ever produced, which is definitely saying a lot because he has worked on several of the greatest albums of the past decade. It's also a testament to how timeless his production is too, as this album is just as relevant and fresh sounding as it was ten years ago. He often writes through the lens of grief as he navigates these deep, all-encompassing feelings that he and his family were left with in the aftermath. With Strange Desire, you can get whatever you want out of it, you can dance to it, you can cry to it, or maybe even do both at the same time. He has since described that dichotomy as an armor he wore back then when making this music, especially since these are really difficult topics to be opening up about in such depth. A lot of the pain and trauma is masked with the instrumentals, but the heaviness truly lies in the lyrics.
That same weight follows through into the rest of the music Jack went on to make with the band too. The echoes of Strange Desire are present throughout all of the work Bleachers has released ever since. His life-long pursuit of trying to process the immense loss of his sister has evolved over the years as he tries to find ways to live alongside such a deep heartbreak. It very much laid the foundation of all the music that was to come. Bleachers' self-titled fourth album released in early 2024 not only feels like a celebration of the band's past ten years as a whole, bringing bits and pieces of all their records together, but it also specifically feels like a direct call-back to many of the same themes that make up Strange Desire. It brings a lot of the lingering questions presented in Strange Desire full-circle and beautifully showcases the evolution of Jack as an artist. The recurring message of learning to let go of your regrets from the past and your fear of the future and just live for right now is so inspiring and really moved me. Bleachers felt like the first page in a new chapter for the band, as it is a story of love and new beginnings, but it also acknowledges the difficult path it took for him to get here.
Following their self-titled album in early 2024, Bleachers also released a new re-recording of their debut album to honor this special anniversary. A Stranger Desired is the band's reimagination of Strange Desire, taking all that they know now and applying it to this music. This new version removes the armor that Jack said he felt he needed at the time looking back, or at least a different kind than what he uses now. A Stranger Desired now revisits these songs with ten years removed and with a new perspective on life and living with grief. Symbolically, it feels like he is finding the light at the end of the tunnel after all these years, which so beautifully shines through in these songs. It is also important to note that it isn't meant to be a carbon copy of the original at all, but more so serves as a companion to it for the fans that have been a part of the journey from the start. The new versions of these songs mostly have very minimal acoustic production, which is a major contrast to the original versions, but it represents the way he is now able to fully face these deep and heavy emotions.
"Strange Desire was born in this rough time with the full armor of sonic chaos," Jack wrote in a letter announcing the new album. "Voices fluttering around me, hotel room walls echoing in the vocal takes, layers on layers and the low end of that Juno gluing the kitchen sink together as it still does for my band. It was the sound that I called Bleachers. That feeling of being there but in no way at the center. Watching and dreaming. Shouting from a corner. In the shadow. I wrote from that misunderstood place and I still do."
In the 2014 recordings, Jack had this strong sense of urgency in his voice as he tries to make sense of these complicated emotions, but now in 2024, it is almost as if there is a new sense of calm and healing that is held within these same songs. It is so brave to revisit such a vulnerable piece of work and find a way to weave all of the lessons and wisdom learned in those ten years into something brand new. It also poses a really interesting prospect - if you knew how the story ends, would you still want to go back to the beginning and do it all over again? What would you change about it?
"On this anniversary that feels so sacred, I have realized something: it wasn't only a strange desire to write these songs, there was something unknown to me happening. I was looking for you: my people. I hadn’t been honest enough in my life and as result I let the wrong ones in. The only path was to tell the story comically unfiltered. My great loss, transcendent anxiety, and an unearned hope that would remain the thread in my writing to this day. It was more than a strange desire to make this album, it was a stranger desired," Jack continued in his letter.
Strange Desire begins with the electrifying "Wild Heart", which sets the tone for the rest of the record in all of it's intensity and vulnerability. "To think everything must die for anyone to matter" is a lyric from this song that has particularly always stuck with me, but the entire song is so poignantly written. The reimagined version further highlights the emotional depth and more so takes a focus on breaking down the raw emotions that inspired it. The same rings true for much of A Stranger Desired as well. Some of the lyrics really take on a new meaning with the time passed, or the age in his voice and the context in which he is now singing these words. I also felt that especially in "Shadow", which is one of my favorite songs and one that was very important for shaping much of Bleachers' work going forward. Songs like "Don't Go Dark", "45", "Chinatown" and more are all very much tied to "Shadow" in such a meaningful way.
When talking about either Strange Desire or A Stranger Desired, above all I will always absolutely adore the live versions of these songs. It is such a surreal experience to witness Bleachers live, but most especially when they are playing songs from this album. Hearing their music live is an experience like no other and if you ever have the chance to see them on tour, I cannot recommend it enough. A song like "Rollercoaster" is just pure joy, with larger-than-life production and an energy that just radiates through the crowd. There is truly nothing else like it, if you have been able to experience that yourself then I'm sure you'll know exactly what I mean. The same goes for other Strange Desire setlist staples like "I Wanna Get Better", "Wake Me" and "Wild Heart".
The brightest shining moment of every show Bleachers has ever done has always been their first song "I Wanna Get Better" for all of those reasons as well. The new version is an interesting interpretation of it, as well. Although it doesn't have the same intensity as the original does, after hearing their self-titled album earlier this year, it really does hold a whole new meaning in this arrangement. After all of the healing and growth explored on that album, "I Wanna Get Better" on A Stranger Desired beautifully depicts that everlasting journey of wanting to keep getting better, both for yourself and for the people you love. After going through deeply traumatic experiences, "I Wanna Get Better" also acknowledges that a piece of yourself isn't quite the same anymore, and it will never be again. His loss of innocence and experience with grief is depicted in a way that I never really heard described in a song before. "I chase that feeling of an eighteen-year-old who didn't know what loss was, now I'm a stranger", Jack sings, "And I miss the days of a life still permanent, mourn the years before I got carried away".
I think everyone will be able to recognize a piece of themselves in this song in their own unique ways. Regardless of the reasons why, "I Wanna Get Better" is a universal statement. No matter how much time that passes, that sentiment of wanting to get better will always ring true. Much of Bleachers' music thus far really does deal with the lifelong journey of getting better and acknowledging that healing from these traumas isn't linear. All of that is brought to the forefront in both Strange Desire and A Stranger Desired.
A Stranger Desired is such a powerful depiction of the way grief can change and take new shapes with time, but will never fully leave you. No matter how much time passes, that person will always stay with you. In this case, that person will forever live on in the hearts of all who listen to this music and associate their own stories with it. "Like A River Runs" best represents that notion and truly feels like the heart of this album and all that Bleachers represents. To me, the new version of "Like A River Runs" is what makes the new re-recorded album all worth it to me. It was the first song Jack wrote for the album a decade ago and what he called the "mission statement" of the band many times. Much of Strange Desire is about trying to find a way to navigate this new world with their loved one not in it anymore and all of those emotions reach a peak on this song.
It really does feel like a hidden gem in their discography, but it is truly the heart of what Bleachers is at it's core. Every time I listen to it I immediately tear up, it is so emotionally charged and features several lyrics that I think about all the time. In the chorus he sings, "When I fall asleep, I can see your face, what I lost in you I will not replace and I could run away, I could let them down, but I will remember your light". "It's a really sad song," Jack said in an interview with Entertainment Weekly in 2014. "I guess you can dance and cry to it. That's what I thought about when I wrote the song. I wanted it to be a song that if you put it on with a bunch of people, you could be like, 'Oh, this song feels so good,' with that beat and the melody and all that stuff. But if you lay in bed at home alone, you could listen to the lyrics and they're all about loss and trying to move on without becoming too complicated a person." The final verse particularly stands out to me as well and embodies that sentiment, "And if you see me in the darkness, I hope you know I'm not alone, I carry you with every breath I take, I won't let up, I won't let up, until the wind is gone". On A Stranger Desired, he takes these same lyrics and is somehow able to completely transform the context of it, now applying the new perspectives and wisdom that he gained over the past decade.
"You're Still A Mystery" similarly brings a lot of the themes and recurring phrases of the album into one song. "Followed a dream and a strange desire" has sort of turned into the mantra for all that Bleachers was able to become since then. This song, as well as the following track, "I'm Ready To Move On / Wild Heart Reprise", are also great reminders of all the many ways that Bleachers as a band as evolved during that time. "You're Still A Mystery" is the first to feature a new vocal cameo from the band's saxophonist Evan Smith and "I'm Ready To Move On / Wild Heart Reprise" now also features the band's guitarist Mikey Freedom Heart on vocals too. The original Strange Desire version of the latter first featured Yoko Ono as a vocalist, but the reimagined version now is much closer to the way the band typically performs it live.
"Take Me Away" also originally featured Grimes, who at the time was still an up-and-coming experimental pop producer. The song is written in a very loose, stream-of-consciousness style, with production that suited the album really well at the time, but I love the new solo rendition Jack does for A Stranger Desired even more. It overall sounds like a much darker take on the original and works so well.
The new version of "Who I Want You To Love" is probably closest to the original version out of the entire album, which definitely feels like a very intentional artistic choice as it brings it all very full-circle. It's not an exact replica though, there are still obvious differences, but all of the sentiments he is singing about still ring true, perhaps now even more so. It is such a beautiful way to close the album, it is very Beatles-esque in a lot of ways and is so underrated in their discography.
I have always loved the way there are subtle pieces of Strange Desire present throughout every other Bleachers album, like the violins at the end of "Who I Want You To Love" are the same as the opening of "91", the repetition of "I really wanna be grateful..." is all over Gone Now and the short sample of "Wild Heart" in "Call Me After Midnight". The themes of Strange Desire continue to tie all of the music together in a really special way. I am curious to see if in the coming years Bleachers will continue to re-record their early work, especially now that they are signed under a new label. There is still a few years until the next decade anniversary, but I would love to hear Gone Now, and even Take The Sadness Out Of Saturday Night reimagined in this way one day too.
Looking back, Jack said he felt "inspired by that person who laid it all down for something better". Strange Desire was the start of such an incredible musical journey and a precursor for one of the most prolific pop producers of this generation. Even though it's already been a decade now since Bleachers began, it still somehow feels like it is all just beginning. It really all started here with Strange Desire and this will forever be an album that I will hold close to my heart. It turns out life really can move from the darkness and this album is truly such a beautiful reminder of that.
Thanks for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below! If you are interested in reading more about Bleachers, check out my review of their latest self-titled album, plus many more linked here and below! 🍅
Photo Credit: Bleachers, RCA Records, Dirty Hit
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